There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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