So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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