I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
