well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
