second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
