You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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