were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
