Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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