Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
