Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
