Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
