Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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