Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Success! We fucked roommates!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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