And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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