I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
