i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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