Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize