This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
