Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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