How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize