I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
