I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
