throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
