I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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