You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
