So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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