2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
