3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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