Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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