I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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