the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
