so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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