we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize