plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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