He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
