4 words: hood of his car
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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