Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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