I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
