i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
pop tarts are not kleenex
did i walk over a car last night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
