The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
