i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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