I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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