in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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