About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
