I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
