he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
