I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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