I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
