I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
