Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
