I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize