Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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