exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
