My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
