But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
