the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Soap is not a condiment
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
