How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
