When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
