I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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