Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize