he thought i was a dude.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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