It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize