Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
