it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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