I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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