Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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