With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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