Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
