she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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