I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
