I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
