if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
