Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
