is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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