Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
