Having a random hookup so left but love u
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
