Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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