I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
