The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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