i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
