I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
