Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
