Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
