Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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