Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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