He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am naked and annoyed.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
