hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize