i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
