News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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