Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
